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Twenty Eleven.
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Ron♥
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king. I'm just Ron (: br />
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This too shall pass
I look back at all my previous blog posts and i smile to myself.WHOA, i was really a mess. I would have been worried for myself :P I've come to a realization that living in the past, dwelling in those wonderful memories will actually rob the memory of its joy and happiness. And sometimes, missing something IS part of making it a good memory. Without the missing part, the memory won't even be what it is said to be. Awonderful memory. It would be just any other old thought or moment you've spent. Dwelling in those 2010 moments, i was filled with what ifs, regrets, remorse. So much so that i was blinded by what 2011 has brought . I kept comparing everything to last year, to what could have been. But actually, i've been blessed with so much more this year-- so, so much more. I believe everyone has this inner samurai inside of them. I read this on bern's blog before and it really really stuck with me. "When everyone says that they 'want to die' , what they really mean is that they want to live. You say you want to die when you are at your lowest point, and it is at this lowest point, and it is at this lowest point that you are probably not living at all " People want "to die." because they desperately want to live. I've been so overwhelmed with work/pressure/ self-pity/self-hate that i.... broke. I simply fell apart. I've been bottling up so much thoughts/emotions/ pressure that it all came crumbling down one night and i just sat on my room floor with my guitar in my hands and cried. and cried. and cried. I thought i that i could do it, that i was able to deal with it. To put on a smile, and maybe everything will just fall into place. But running away just made it worst. Things soon snowballed and i couldn't take it anymore. No one knew. Not many could tell, not even my closet friends. But i was slowly falling apart. I think only you could tell and i'm so so grateful for having you in my life. But not even my closest closest friends could tell. Even when I tried to tell them, they didn't understand. They thought that it was a phase, stress overload, but they didn't know the intensity of it. and that was how good i was, and that itself was extremely scary now as i look back. My results this term can be a clear reflection of what i was going through. Absolute crap. I've never done so so badly in my life, and i'm sure I'll never perform this badly ever again. My parents had no clue about this. They blamed my results on my always watching the telly. But honestly, i can tell you i have no idea what was airing the past month. I would just turn on the tv, and stone. Turn on the comp, and stone. I was simply so lost/aimless. I had no drive, no purpose and i simply ran out of faith. passion. joy. But my God is good. My God is really really really good. God works in such witty/ powerful ways then i will never fathom. Just when i thought it will be another failure. He gave me a glimmer a hope. A sticker. A pat on the back. A job well done. I cried. In school. But this time, not a sad/regretful kind of cry. It was a wow, why are you so good to me cry. A cry of elation, of hope. I went home that day and suddenly it was like a cloud of grey was lifted from my head :) No more disappointed faces. I needed to see a smile again. I felt so relieved and safe, knowing he was watching over me the whole way. That someone was there all the while. God ah, Y U SO FUNNY :P But you're stronger, stronger than you know. Chin up my friends, this too shall pass. I promise. |